Saturday, March 16, 2013

Slow Down Universe . . .

The moral of the story today is be careful what you wish for . . . because when you put it 'out there' that you are looking for new challenges and get all sassy about trying new things, sh!t starts to find you!  Case in point . . .

All three of my kids are runners and track season just started!  Getzy is a coach so naturally I love this time of year - my husband and all three kids somewhere else for a couple of hours three times a week!  Well, technically I stick around practice to makes sure everybody is ok, but I usually park it in a chair and socialize!  Score. 

A crazy number of kids have registered this season and they are short on parent help for distance runners . . . you see where this is going, right?  So like somebody drops a Harry Potter levitation spell on my arm, it raises before the rest of me registers what's happening.  Surely I'm qualified since 1. I'm married to one of the coaches who has been running his whole life, including Cross Country in college (kinda like an osmosis theory); 2. I've done the Warrior Dash twice (note badass status earlier); and 3. I know I can clear a backgrounch check!  Bam.  Coach Amy!
And no, I don't think it's over the top that I now require everyone to call me 'Coach Amy.'  I mean it, everyone.  Neighbors, the kids' friends, my friends, Getzy, etc.  See qualifications above, I totally earned it.  And since my boob (yes, just one) has only slipped out of my sports bra once this week, I'm going to call myself a professional.  And yes, I had on a shirt on so it's not like I'm a flasher . . .
Since I love a free app for my i-products, I downloaded "AppsGonefree" which, well, offers free apps - duh.  Everyday I check to see what other suckers are paying for that I'm going to score at no charge!  I'm thinking that the Apple folks are trying to tell me something because it regularly has workout/weight/fitness apps featured.  I come across an "Ideal Weight" app and figured I may as well get confirmation that I am, currently, at my ideal weight.  I plug all my stats into that sucker and wait for it . . . I only have 27 pounds to loose before I'm ideal.   
My immediate thought was "B!tch please, I will cut you."  No, I'm not a violent criminal . . . sometimes you just have to channel your inner Bon Qui Qui.  Bon Qui Who, you say?  Check her out here . . . go ahead, I'll wait. 
Hysterical, right?  I'm sorry, what?  You don't get it?  Uhhmm, look . . . it's not you, it's me.  Things just aren't working out between us so I think we should break up.  That shit's funny or you're dumb.  Fact.  "Sa-kur-i-tee!"  I digress . . .
Now back to me . . . turns out I'm more at my 'happy weight.'  You know, the weight were you can mostly eat right and sorta think about exercise and then overindulge and not really see it on the scale.  Kind of like having your cake and eating it too - as long as it's not the whole cake.  Turns out that's not ideal.  Sucks. 
Fine.  I'm currently accepting challenges, and I don't want to be a fat ass at 40 so it's on . . . I haven't weighed my "ideal weight" since my early 20's, or ever, but let's do this.
I love new 'gear,' so in my quest to get fit and look ideal 40 years young, I went shopping this week . . . anyone else see the irony? 
Sneakers AND Spanx. If one doesn't work, the other will hopefully do the trick - that's the plan anyway!  Now go take on your own challenge . . .

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